Teen Bullying
Bullying occurs in all age groups and at all levels. No group of people are exempt from it.
“Even bullies have major issues themselves, and only get momentary pleasure or power from the act.”
A large percentage of people will have experienced bullying in one way or the other, either as a victim, a bully/perpetrator, or as a witness of bullying. You may be surprised to read that all three situations are distressing. Even bullies have major issues themselves, and only get momentary pleasure or power from the act. Though they may disguise this, most will experience self loathing afterwards.
Bullying occurs in homes, families, schools, religious organisations, social gatherings, and at work. Cyberbullying is also a huge problem that people worldwide are experiencing too.
Bullying has many definitions, but one which captures it well is "repeated, intentionally aggressive behaviour done to intimidate the victim and cause them distress and pain." It can be physical, emotional/psychological, and or verbal. All of these can be equally upsetting.
[A bully] may themselves have been bullied before, therefore attack in an attempt to boost their self esteem.
Victims tend to be targeted because they stand out in some way. They may be new in the group, overweight or underweight, of a different culture, skin colour and background, intelligent or not deemed as intelligent as their peers, suffering a disability, not conforming to the prevailing rules/ beliefs...the list goes on. Typical characteristics of victims are their docile, quiet, unassuming, even retiring nature, and their seeming patience with discomforting, distressing situations. Another tendency is their ability to keep discomforting situations away from authority figures in their lives. Bullies love this because this allows them to carry out their bullying behaviour over and over again, without challenge.
A bully can also have certain personality traits that tend to stand out too. At times, they may have some kind of physical or emotional disability or disadvantage that has resulted in low self esteem. This could make them want to strike out at others who they perceive weaker than themselves. They may themselves have been bullied before, therefore attack in an attempt to boost their self esteem in a warped way. It doesn’t boost their self esteem in the long term because the self loathing grows deeper, and they may need psychological help.
They know they are doing something wrong and intentional, and will be secretive about where and how they do it. They are often fearful themselves, and cannot usually deal with confrontation. They usually bully in groups because they need support to be able to continue the bullying act. Where confronted successfully, they usually stop and look for another weak target. Bullies are usually cowards.
“Any one who is a victim or witness should report it as soon as it is noticed”
Bullying is dangerous and should not be tolerated. It has been known to cause depression, school or work phobia, physical illness, symptoms of stress, deterioration in quality of work, fearfulness, anxiety and tragic endings. Bullying doesn’t happen only in schools. It can happen in families, neighbourhoods, religious settings, work settings etc.
Any one who is a victim or witness should report it as soon as it is noticed, and any one who is a bully should stop and seek help. It is better for a bully to seek help to build their self esteem and self worth, bringing lasting happiness, fulfilment and satisfaction. There is a lot of help for bullied victims and their witnesses, and a lot of help for bullies as well.
Steps you can take to avoid being bullied & How to Deal with it
Develop self-confidence, and a deep love for yourself.
When you know who you are, love yourself and develop self confidence, it is very difficult for a bully to convince you that you have low self worth, when you believe the opposite of yourself.
Write a list of your positive attributes and blessings; things you are grateful for. No one is perfect, and no one has everything, so it is important to remember who you are. No matter what you’ve gone through, or what your circumstances are, there is something good about you, and it will get better.
In every new situation, have a development plan
Know that every new situation is temporary, and it is likely to improve with time. Be creative about how to improve your situation. Discuss it with someone. If you are a new student, after a term or a year, someone else will be new. By then you will have made friends of your own and gotten used to the situation.
Rehearse what to say and do in new situations
And it is okay to do this as often as you need, until you are confident, and it is less likely that you will be taken by surprise. This includes what to say to a bully and his/her cronies. It should not be abusive or derogatory, but you should do your best to stay calm and let them know it’s unacceptable.
Report bullying immediately to family, friends and/or an authority figure
You should always unashamedly ask for help and support. You don’t have to stay silent and endure alone. Report to your school, family, trusted neighbours, friends etc
Ignore the bully's threats
These are designed to keep you from exposing, reporting or confronting the situation.
Remember that bullies have problems of their own
Often, bullies are in need of help that they may not have been able to ask for or address either. Reporting the act might be just as helpful for them as it is for you.
If in serious danger, report to the Police.
Freo: Of course, we have counsellors here who can help with these kinds of issues, so register with us if you feel you need more help, and someone will contact you as soon as possible.
In some cases we may be able to liaise with your school and family on your behalf.
Written by Dr. Isioma Nwokolo